FORTY TIPS FOR WRITERS

1.   A writer must not shift your point of view.

2.   Always avoid alliteration.

3.   Always pick on the correct idiom.

4.   Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

5.   And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

6.   Avoid trendy locutions--no matter how ill.

7.   Be more or less specific.

8.   Brevity is the soul of lingerie. (Dorothy Parker)

9.   capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with a point

10.  Contractions aren't necessary.

11.  Daydreams, lies, and trouble. That's the stuff of fiction.
       (Robin Hemley)

12.  Do not put statements in the negative form.

13.  Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's
       highly superfluous.

14.  Don't never use a double negative.

15.  Don't overuse exclamation marks!!

16.  "I'd like to thank my parents, Einstein and God." (Actual book
       dedication.) (Use serial commas.)

17.  If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

18.  It's hard for pandas to breed, because the male eats shoots and
       leaves. (Corollary: "Herman awoke with a jerk"—lead sentence in student story; check for unintended double entendres.)

19.  It's potato, not potatoe. (Bart Simpson, writing 500 times on
       the board)

20.  "Is" is the verb for when you're pretending not to use a verb.

21.  Last but not least, avoid clichés like the plague. They're old hat;
       seek viable alternatives.

22.  Life isn't fair. Why should I be? (Margaret Atwood)

23.  Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

24.  One should never generalize.

25.  One-word sentences? Eliminate.

26.  Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

27.  Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be
       prosecuted. (Mark Twain)

28.  Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, such as those of ten or more words, to their antecedents.

29.  Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

30.  Remember to never split an infinitive.

31.  Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with. (Corollary: This is something up with which we will not put.)

32.  Say it in my own words? Seuerie ateos, oenoewr.

33.  Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

34.  The parts of speech are lungs and air.

35.  The passive voice is to be avoided.

36.  The penis mightier than the sword. (Don't forget to proofread.)

37.  With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and
       impenetrable fog! (Calvin)

38.  Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

39.  You can observe a lot by just watching. (Yogi Berra)

40.  You don't have to read everything everyone ever recommends to you. Just everything I recommend to you. (Megan Coughlin)

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