“With their clothes on,” Sam interrupted.
     “Which makes it a special occasion,” Chris finished. “So, if you please, gentlemen, a short speech from each of you on a topic of general interest would provide a most marvelous, and instructive, entertainment.”
     Before the demurrers could voice their objection, Dion said, “What should the topic be?”
     Chris said, “Let the guest of honor choose,” and he turned to Sam expectantly.
     “Very well,” said Sam, “if we are to speak on a topic of general interest, let it be—cocksucking!” He paused during the ensuing outburst of merriment. Then, with a mischievous look, he said, “And the order of speaking will be by cock size, with the biggest first, so that we will end up with me. Therefore, Ned, begin.”
     “Sam,” Ned expostulated, “what are you talking about? You don’t mean to say you know the dimensions of everyone present? I don’t think we should make this into a contest. It’s all right with me to go first, and you can go last; but we can achieve that effect simply by going around the table in order.” Sam indicated that this plan was very well with him.
     “What I have to say is very little,” Ned proceeded. “The less said the better. You can walk the walk and talk the talk, or you can suck cock, but you can’t do all three at the same time. The people who talk about cocksucking the most are the ones who are doing it the least. Remember that the proof of the pudding is in the eating. If you enjoy sucking cock, then by all means do it. If you don’t, don’t. I think people talk about it too much, and what they say is mostly negative and offensive, based entirely on ignorance. To the young men here, I advise you to rely on your own experience and not to pay any attention to what people say. That concludes my speech,” he said, and took a draught of wine.